Since I read the article from the Candida
Crusher website, all those words are stuck in my mind and all makes a perfect sense.
Sometimes I feel trapped into my dieting, my overweight, my cravings, my
hormones, my anxiety and depression. It’s true, I’m annoying the hell out of
people, my boyfriend might think I’m crazy by now, my friends don’t want to
hear me anymore and even my mother is often out of patience with all my struggles
dieting. It’s a never ending story this one, and maybe the Candida Crusher is
right, maybe my biggest problem is not the Candida, but it’s just me.
I feel I’ve stopped living a normal life
since such long time. I don’t enjoy things anymore in the same way, because my
mind is always around food, thinking about my weight, calories, sugar and so
on. I really cannot live in this way for long, I need to enjoy life and
everything will come together. I’ve been missing the gym for so long, every day
I tell myself to go and every day I don’t. It’s a vicious circle.
I would love to go away in one of those tropical
retreats where I can do a prolonged Water Fast doing nothing all day, just
resting and enjoying the sun. I would like for the days to go, for my extra
pounds to go away fast, but everything requires time and patience.
Today I have a clear understanding of what
anxiety is to me; I always thought I should feel a sort of panic inside, a
screaming me trapped into my head, often I thought my anxiety symptoms were
only the heavy breathing ones, but not today. Today I felt for 2 seconds, while
sitting at my desk in the office, a pure anxious feeling coming, it lasted only
2 seconds but it was clear that I was going to get worried and depressed about….something,
I instantly thought about the pills my mom gave me for when I feel very anxious
and depressed.
I
want to go to the gym today, I’m sure exercising will help me a lot with my
mood. The re-start will be very hard I know, I’ve been slacking on my workouts
since a while now, so I won’t have the strengths to keep up with a whole class,
but I need to start somehow.
We should never get food be our main
problem, I don’t think it’s normal. It’s like food is my boyfriend, I think
more of it than my actual man! Set yourself free; keep always in your mind that
eventually food and dieting will annoy you so much that will become secondary
to everything else.
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