A bad day during Maintenance

Today is a bad day for me and my weight; I'm eating as I didn't have food from the past 2 weeks! I had a normal breakfast this morning, actually way more than the recommended amount. I had 500g of boiled broccoli with 1/3 cup of shredded non-fat cheese on it. The broccoli felt like nothing in my stomach, I had to eat something else later on because starving, so I went downstairs and I bought a Spinach & Feta Croissant, it was delicious! Knowing I had 500g of broccoli only for a meal made me think that my whole allowed amount for a day – during the strict diet – was only 460g of vegetables, barely nothing.

I brought my lunch in the office today, thinking that I should better save some money and prepare my own healthy food so I cooked a zucchini omelet yesterday and I had it with half whole wheat tortilla. Although I had the omelet, I felt still hungry after; water did not help, herbal teas did not help, decaf coffee did not help…not even the 2 Jell-Os helped! So I went again downstairs to buy another croissant and a pecan tart, my favourite. Needless to say that I don't feel right today, I usually cheat on my healthy diet with a protein bar or simply with bigger portions of my allowed food - but not recently, I'm off in motivation, I miss my ex-boyfriend, I'm looking at the holidays and at the snow storm outside and I feel sad. Food is my only comfort at the moment. Most likely I'll spend Christmas days by myself, as well as New Year's Day so I'm not in a general great mood lately.

I say: everything is an excuse though; I should be more focused in any case. I already attuned myself that first thing I want to do in January is going back to the strict Diet, it's expensive true but for me it was worth it, I was always starving, always weak but the scale was always rewarding, almost every morning! I want to learn again how to manage my weight before I gain everything back and I'm overweight at the point where I started.

Some days I really don't care about my extra pounds, some days I'm depressed for it. I think dieting is a very psychological stressing thing to do. You're against yourself, by yourself. Motivation has to come only from within or you won't stick to it. Most probably part of my motivation in the past months was my ex-boyfriend. Now he is not in my life anymore and I'm missing the boost portion that he was giving me every day struggling with my starvation. My period missing is oddly not alarming me much, it should though, and it's been almost 3 months now that I didn't have it. I should see a doctor and I'm not doing anything for it. With Christmas approaching the idea of say no to sweets is killing me so I won't pretend to myself that I'm that strong and I'll just try to resist as much as I can to the…extra not allowed!

Maintenance Month 2

I'm back on my blog to tell more about my journey, after a terrible behaved Maintenance period.

After I finished my strict Diet I found myself literally obsessed with food. The only thing I could think of was eating, and having a "free eating day" was ending on eating till I was sick. Indeed the worst way to end a Diet.

I do still enjoy having my healthy food and hopefully this will never change. It is definitely changed the way I do my grocery shopping and the way I drink and consume calories.

I signed up at the gym about 10 days ago, hopefully this will help me to build some muscles and increase my metabolism. I don't feel weak anymore, sometime a bit dizzy but not comparable to the strict diet period. One thing that happened though is that it's been almost 3 months that I missed my period. They did all the tests at the clinic but all negative, so I'm not really sure what happened and why I'm missing it. Eventually I should go to a gynecologist to check if everything is ok.

I obviously gained 3Kg since I stopped my diet, but I've to say this weight is due to specific events. I went to the Apple Pie Trail for few days with my (now ex) boyfriend and we basically eat every moment something sweet apple based, I think I came back with 4Kg more only for that trip!

I also had few Holidays parties in the office and the food was always great, especially the sweets so I could not resist temptations.

Now Christmas is coming soon and the idea to be on a strict Diet is unrealistic so, I'm trying to contain myself on eating too much and still enjoying the holidays.

I've to say what I'm not missing are carbs, I usually have my regular serving portion per day, no more no less; but what's contributing to my weight gain is the amount of sugar – specifically chocolate  that I'm having lately.

Things are not going very well for me - which it might be only an excuse that's true – but my concentration and motivation is very low. I ended recently my relationship, at work things are moving slowly and not in the direction that I was hoping to. I tried to get a cat but – after the difficulties I had to adopt a pet from shelters – I'm having second thoughts and I put on hold this idea for now.

I'm seriously thinking to go back to the strict Diet in January, just the $600 are making me undecided about it! I want to go back to where I was when I started my maintenance and try again. I got obsessed at the end of my Diet and this did not help me to stay on track with my Maintenance, I did not realize that I need to live my food in a different way, my body is not ready to eat too much, a small amount of food more than the allowed one and I gain weight. My belly is growing again, and I hate it.

I don't feel motivated in the same way anymore, but I still want to believe in the Dr. Bernstein Diet because for me is the only one that works, the injections are miracles on my fat, the ketosis is a genius idea but everything belongs to a learning curve and I might need to do it again and again before I really learn what I'm doing with my Diet and with my life.