Believe it or not my Water
Fast journey helped me so much to understand my issues with food, my binge episodes and the reason why food
became such an uncontrollable dependency for me in the past years.
Thanks to my Water Fast my mind is
now able to see things clearly, to
have the whole picture of my eating disorder, the emotional reasons
underlying my BED, amazing right?
So I analyzed why in the past I was bingeing, my usual answer was because of my very restrictive diet,
which could be the triggering factor yes, but the persistence of the episodes made me wondering if there was more, a subconscious reason that I was not
dealing with, mostly because unknown
to me.
So I found it. It
goes back in my past, in my family, my mother is an amazing cook, she cooks to
express her love to her children, she is happy knowing that everyone is always
well fed, that the fridge is full of all kind of things that we love, and
always in abundance. Since I moved to Canada few years ago my family is not
with me anymore, I'm alone in this country, no relative, no family of my own;
sure lots of friends and acquaintances
but nothing compared family relations. My subconscious
started to miss all the love that my family used to give me, my mother's
attentions, and the dinner table full of her way to give us love, so I binged. Binging is my way to compensate for what I miss: affections
from my parents, from my sisters, closeness
from what is my most important thing
in my life: my family. Every time I binge I feel a sense of happiness, gratification,
is my way to give love to myself that otherwise I will not receive.
I hope this Water
Fasting journey will help me to understand that food is just food, that
cannot substitute emotions, cannot
replace the love of my family, I need to deal with the fact that I am here in
this country alone, that my family is
always there for me when I need, just not here physically.
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