Modified Water Fast - Day #3

I’m in the third day of this modified Water Fast and so far I feel good, not many cravings or hunger and I always look forward to my mud pudding so I can be rewarded with something healthy at the end of my days.
Yesterday I managed to go in my building’s gym for just half hour, that was different of what I planned but keeping consistency might do the trick down the road and make me feel better on going to the gym for a class, well at least I hope so.
I’m having daily BMs as today but I was thinking to do enemas regardless, not sure if it could be beneficial for the Candida and avoid any leftover food in my colon for too long. Also the pudding is not helping the BMs in general so I need to keep an eye on it or I could get constipated.
Today I will increase the probiotics that I take every day, in addition to my morning 80 billion one, I’ll have 2 pills of 10 million during the day, I thought I should have a good probiotics plan attack if I want to fight my Candida; plus I’m having still my supplements and the tinctures.
I planned to check my Ketosis tomorrow that’s Thursday, as well as my weight – that doesn’t seem changing much if I base on my clothes, but it requires time I’m sure. Today I want to go the gym again, yesterday I went for only half hour but I can feel the sore already in my legs, just a little ok but in any case something started to work! I can build up resistance and strengths with the time, going forward.
I was also thinking on changing my social life, to see more friends and maybe to make new ones. There’s a girl on my floor that I see always by herself, and we lived in the building long time so we once introduced each other. I don’t know if she will be up to hang out with me, but I have nothing to lose anyway, and if she likes the idea, will be nice having a friend so close.

My emotional issue behind my binge episodes

Believe it or not my Water Fast journey helped me so much to understand my issues with food, my binge episodes and the reason why food became such an uncontrollable dependency for me in the past years. Thanks to my Water Fast my mind is now able to see things clearly, to have the whole picture of my eating disorder, the emotional reasons underlying my BED, amazing right?

So I analyzed why in the past I was bingeing, my usual answer was because of my very restrictive diet, which could be the triggering factor yes, but the persistence of the episodes made me wondering if there was more, a subconscious reason that I was not dealing with, mostly because unknown to me.

So I found it. It goes back in my past, in my family, my mother is an amazing cook, she cooks to express her love to her children, she is happy knowing that everyone is always well fed, that the fridge is full of all kind of things that we love, and always in abundance. Since I moved to Canada few years ago my family is not with me anymore, I'm alone in this country, no relative, no family of my own; sure lots of friends and acquaintances but nothing compared family relations. My subconscious started to miss all the love that my family used to give me, my mother's attentions, and the dinner table full of her way to give us love, so I binged. Binging is my way to compensate for what I miss: affections from my parents, from my sisters, closeness from what is my most important thing in my life: my family. Every time I binge I feel a sense of happiness, gratification, is my way to give love to myself that otherwise I will not receive.

I hope this Water Fasting journey will help me to understand that food is just food, that cannot substitute emotions, cannot replace the love of my family, I need to deal with the fact that I am here in this country alone, that my family is always there for me when I need, just not here physically.