My diet is becoming my main stress

Today I was reading an article regarding the Candida issues on the Candida Crusher website and mistakes to avoid; one part really made me laugh and feeling guilty at the same time. I’m copying here his words so you can see if you read between the lines yourself as well:

"Any kind of food can feed Candida, especially what we’ll look at a little bit later on is when you’re diet focused and you’re not understanding about the stress connection. Because when you become very focused on diet, it becomes a stress in its own right. You annoy the hell out of people around you. You start annoying yourself after a while, it becomes a stress. You can’t live like this for long. Lots of these diets like GAPS and SCD were not designed for you to be on for 19 years. They were designed for short duration and to get you the hell off that diet."

HCG Diet - A farewell lunch that compromises my VLCD!

This morning I checked back again my weight and my ketosis, and obviously I registered 1Kg gain since last time. I didn't have doubts really, I had a terrible weekend in terms of food and I can always feel on my clothes if I'm gaining and not losing anything, and that's was the case.

Today I had a farewell lunch with my team, since on Monday I'll be starting with a different group. I had a huge Cobb salad, with chicken breast and salty bacon; I wasn't worried about neither the vegetables nor the meat but rather the dressing that I didn't feel asking to remove - me and my uncontrollable binge eating disorder. Sometime I look at people that leave half food in their plate, saying: I'm full, and I envy them, I recall almost like a dream the times when I was having only a small slice of pizza and feeling full. My cravings for sugar are still so strong, I even had a coffee with Stevia today; after knowing that I didn't get the job after all interviews I had in the past weeks - I felt depressed and disappointed, I know it can be just an excuse but all these things happening together and my boring days at work are giving me hard time to be disciplined. The coffee didn't taste the same though, this can be a good sign that getting rid of Stevia is possible for me, and I just need to stick to the plan and not having it for just few days, same thing with sugar and carbohydrates. Willpower this unknown…

At the Healthy Store downstairs my office, I also bought some capsules of Ginseng, without the coffee I felt really sleepy and slow this morning, and through the day as well, knowing that I have my Kung-Fu class this afternoon I felt I needed an extra boost of energy or I won't be able to do much. Of course this is not a guarantee that I will succeed anyway! I still suck but in my defense can be easily related to my lack of exercise.

Today I had a quick chat with one of my coworkers here, during my farewell lunch and I was asking her about the possibility to switch my career as an independent contractor; my work is 80% of my daily life, I don't have anything else really, my family is all in Italy and I'm here by myself with no even a pet anymore. Being obsessed with food or work is a natural human behaviour, trying to escape from boring routine and trying to improve with perfection details these aspects of my life – whatever is possible.

I often thought how food could be my comfort, my missing love, my soulmate, since I think about it all the times. And it might be true on some extends, I am not interested in building a romantic relationship right now and all my attentions go to food and work. I don't know why I'm isolating myself from the rest of the world, although some people might see it as depression, I don't feel depressed, sure I have anxiety when I eat badly or I don't feel motivated with my diet but I'm strong, I still want to go places, go shopping, watch funny movies, I still have strong career goals that I want to fulfill, I don't give up and I know I can lose all my weight with HCG so I don't want to give up, I still believe in this diet, I'm just trying to find my balance on everything around me that will allow me to find all the strengths I need to be skinny again.

My Weight and HCG Diet Journey's updates

I'm back to my blog to give some updates regarding my HCG experience and my weight in general.

After the end of my Round #1 for P2 I had no problems to complete my P3 phase and maintaining my weight within the 2 pounds range, actually most of the time my weight was under my LIW; so P4 started and I have to admit I didn't start any type of exercise, lazy me, but in my defense I can say that I was working 7 days a week on an average sleep of 4 hours – so really time for the gym was not fitting my schedule.

My P4 was not bad; I maintained my weight fairly easy, some days better than others and I had 2/3 fasting weekends to keep me in track in case my weight was rising up.

Then my Mexican vacation came, one week in an all-inclusive resort, a paradise with amazing food…and obviously I let myself enjoy all those cakes and chocolate delights. I ate like I didn't eat anything for the past 6 months! Breakfast, lunch and dinner always overeating, not to mention all the cookies and nuts ate here and there. Well I guess the Binge Eater that is in me came back in Mexico and I'm afraid to report that my weight of course went up quickly. Well thankfully it was only a week but I learnt a lesson: AVOID all-inclusive resorts; temptations are way too many to handle for me.

My weight went up from 57/58Kg that I was when I went to Cancun, up to 62/63Kg when I came back to Toronto – about 10 pounds I would say.

Although lots of people might think that 10lb is not a big deal, it's something like 10% of my weight so for me it's a huge deal, plus a week may be enough to gain 10lb but I would need at least a month worth of sacrifices to lose it!

Anyhow, I'm now back on HCG for my second round – today is my R2P2 – VLCD #10, so far I lost 2/3 Kg, not much. This round is different from the previous one, I'm not motivated in the same way, I have lots of cravings, I'm always thinking about food, I don't feel the same mood response I had with my first round, so definitely tougher than I expected. But I will keep going and I will till I reach my goal, I just wish I had a different feelings during this Round #2, since it might be longer than the previous one. Wish me luck!