2019 Fast 3.0 - I broke my fast at 190 hours (8th day)

After almost 8 days (190hrs) I decided to break my Dry Fast. This was the longest Dry Fast I ever done till today. I was aiming for the 200hrs, I was so close. However, in the morning - while I was driving around my parents - I felt my eyes really dry, I couldn't even see very well; so worried I thought it was time to end this journey.
I broke the Dry Fast with a bit of baking soda and ACV, waited half hour or so and started to drink water. My kidneys were hurting me a bit, I had a BM right away, not a pleasant one. But what was more concerning to me is that I got an UTI right away, with blood in my urine and a strong burning sensation. I'm sure I was dehydrated - but it's so fascinating to me to see how, in the presence of water, all infections come back to life! I t was also a cold snowy day, it might have affected the overall reaction. I didn't have any type of food that day, just plenty of water. I had to work in the afternoon, so I was a bit concerned on eating anything that could cause and urgent need to use the bathroom. The afternoon working was demanding, by the end of the night I was drained, my arms felt really weak bringing around those big trays, but I managed to do it after all. The day after I reported 1Kg water weight gain, which it was expected I guess. After almost 8 days without water my body was holding as much as it could! On Sunday - Refeeding Day #2 - I had a papaya smoothie and a broccoli soup, all of that made me gain another 2lb unfortunately, I should also count the food in my bowel, since I didn't have any BM in those 2 days. Yesterday (day #3 after breaking the DF) I had stomach issues; I guess, as my usual, I ate too much and my shrinked stomach didn't like it. I tried to have mostly liquids in these past 3 days, but I don't think I achieved my goal. Today I wanted to start again another round of a Dry Fast but I feel my mouth really dry, that's a sign that I still need water to be able to begin a new prolonged Dry Fast. It's really easy gaining weight, sure after no food, no water I should have just a tiny meal here and there, without stuffing myself like a pig. This morning I was back on 67.7Kg on my scale, which is devastating for me!

HCG Diet - A farewell lunch that compromises my VLCD!

This morning I checked back again my weight and my ketosis, and obviously I registered 1Kg gain since last time. I didn't have doubts really, I had a terrible weekend in terms of food and I can always feel on my clothes if I'm gaining and not losing anything, and that's was the case.

Today I had a farewell lunch with my team, since on Monday I'll be starting with a different group. I had a huge Cobb salad, with chicken breast and salty bacon; I wasn't worried about neither the vegetables nor the meat but rather the dressing that I didn't feel asking to remove - me and my uncontrollable binge eating disorder. Sometime I look at people that leave half food in their plate, saying: I'm full, and I envy them, I recall almost like a dream the times when I was having only a small slice of pizza and feeling full. My cravings for sugar are still so strong, I even had a coffee with Stevia today; after knowing that I didn't get the job after all interviews I had in the past weeks - I felt depressed and disappointed, I know it can be just an excuse but all these things happening together and my boring days at work are giving me hard time to be disciplined. The coffee didn't taste the same though, this can be a good sign that getting rid of Stevia is possible for me, and I just need to stick to the plan and not having it for just few days, same thing with sugar and carbohydrates. Willpower this unknown…

At the Healthy Store downstairs my office, I also bought some capsules of Ginseng, without the coffee I felt really sleepy and slow this morning, and through the day as well, knowing that I have my Kung-Fu class this afternoon I felt I needed an extra boost of energy or I won't be able to do much. Of course this is not a guarantee that I will succeed anyway! I still suck but in my defense can be easily related to my lack of exercise.

Today I had a quick chat with one of my coworkers here, during my farewell lunch and I was asking her about the possibility to switch my career as an independent contractor; my work is 80% of my daily life, I don't have anything else really, my family is all in Italy and I'm here by myself with no even a pet anymore. Being obsessed with food or work is a natural human behaviour, trying to escape from boring routine and trying to improve with perfection details these aspects of my life – whatever is possible.

I often thought how food could be my comfort, my missing love, my soulmate, since I think about it all the times. And it might be true on some extends, I am not interested in building a romantic relationship right now and all my attentions go to food and work. I don't know why I'm isolating myself from the rest of the world, although some people might see it as depression, I don't feel depressed, sure I have anxiety when I eat badly or I don't feel motivated with my diet but I'm strong, I still want to go places, go shopping, watch funny movies, I still have strong career goals that I want to fulfill, I don't give up and I know I can lose all my weight with HCG so I don't want to give up, I still believe in this diet, I'm just trying to find my balance on everything around me that will allow me to find all the strengths I need to be skinny again.