Are you really ready to lose weight?

I've been thinking lately how important is to be in the right set of mind when starting a diet, not just the HCG diet but any diet. Motivation and determination is essential, to avoid failures, frustrations and mental cravings. I wasn't ready for my Round 2 with HCG - I think after coming back from my vacation, I rushed on starting again the protocol without not even asking myself if it was the right time – I just wanted the weight off.

For me food is my obsession, and although I rationalize everything in a logical way, food it's still illogically controlling my actions, my thoughts and my deepest desires – every-single-day.

I read a lot online about eating disorders, watched videos of people confessing their food obsessions, I know I have a problem, I don’t feel ashamed to admit to myself or anyone that my relationship with food is not normal, my issues are clear, just not easy to resolve.

What I do not believe is true in my case, is the rejection of my body; sure I’m overweight and I would like to lose weight but I think I’m beautiful anyway. I’m pretty even with my chubby muffin tops. But being appreciative of our bodies does not mean that we stop trying to be more in control with our health, our weight. Why has to be so bad even just talking about dieting when dealing with an eating disorder? Why everyone has to convince me that I should not lose any weight whatsoever, I should accept myself like I am - right now and be happy for the rest of my life? I am happy when I am in control of my diet. I noticed that if I don’t have any specific diet plan during my days….I eat everything I want, or better saying: I overeat with anything I crave. And I usually crave a lot sugar.

I tried many times to practice the rule: eat only when hungry, it doesn’t seem working for me, since I’m always hungry! I don’t recall last time I felt really full or satisfied after a meal, mostly because I try to avoid carbs and eat more proteins, so after one hour or so I feel hungry again….starving again.

So my advice is: do not start any diet until you’re 100% ready to be fully committed to it, because if you lose faith in a diet/protocol – it will never work again for you. I f we cheat once we will likely do it again.

HCG Diet - Round#2 FAILED!

It's almost painful to admit, but my Round #2 of HCG was, this time, a complete failure. I read here and there by other HCGers that this is "the curse of the second round"!

I'm thinking that I was just not ready to start again a round. I came back from my vacation with extra pounds yes but the deal-breaker this time was being back on my former binge eating disorder. That is unforgiven, my eating disorder throw me back into my dark side of the dinner table; it created inside me all those unspeakable food-desires that I cannot control in any way.

And here I am with all these pounds, struggling on what to do, on how to start again the HCG Diet with good intentions, with right motivations that could bring me back where I was, before going on vacation.

Oh man, I wish I knew then what I know now! Never EVER EVER again in an all-inclusive resort! Those places are a public attack to anyone weight's management control. You cannot resist, everything tastes so delicious, I was harmless against it… nevertheless I blame only myself, because – inside- I knew I would let my repressed-hunger be stronger than my food discipline.

I went to my doctor a couple of times, to understand why I was feeling so weak lately, why the lack of concentration or those huge cravings. But, as I expected, they said everything is fine, everything is just inside my head…oh WTH I say.

I've already received another vial of HCG but my family doctor told me that my B12 is extremely high and I should not use, so now again starts the Bacteriostatic Water hunting game! I just hope this time I won't waste the HCG vial with my weakness. 

HCG Diet- R2P2 VLCD#17 my reflections

Another post for my blog to track all the details of my long dieting journey, it seems endless sometimes. HCG so far helped me a lot, but I have to admit, this Round 2 is definitely not like my first one. I guess this is normal, focusing for too long on something has been always an issue for me, I just regret not having completed my diet with the first round, I was doing so well! My advice is that till you're running with a good pace, keep going because if you stop chances are you won't be back on the wagon with the same enthusiasm and commitment. 

My biggest problem while dieting, is not so much being hungry – definitely with HCG I'm very rarely hungry – but my constant attention on food in general, on what I'm going to eat, when I'm going to…how I will cook, if I need to stop by the grocery store to buy ingredients and so on. I think ONLY about food, all the times, and this is drowning me down so much that it's really hard being focused on Dr. Simeons protocol to the letter. Anything I eat adds up at the end of the day on the amount of calories consumed, and with HCG you have to stay on the 500 Calories plan, even a small increase will reflect on your scale the day after.

This Round#2 I didn't even see any good ketosis so far, I know this is not 100% reliable, since I drink a lot during the day anyway, but last time I had great traces through almost all round. Another thing I skipped on doing this time around is my Wednesday's Detox Bath, I guess being almost in summer doesn't help but, let's face it, it's just me being lazy, nothing temperature or weather related, and I didn't even drink a single Detox tea either!

This morning my scale registered a 0.4Kg increase unfortunately, I knew I will see a gain today, yesterday I was home all day and I had so many cravings that I compensated drinking tons of decaf coffee and almond milk, not to mention the large amount of Jell-O and Snack Packs! Junk food, I should say: shame on me.

I don't care what people say but seeing a weight gain on any amount while dieting, it is extremely frustrating, on this complicated diet is alarming to me, previous to this gain I had 4 days stall, not sure if it was for my TOM or simply for my lack of judgment concerning my food/drinks. 

I've moments in which I feel ok, motivated, strong and others where I feel weak, I don't trust myself and my long term commitments. I've still so much to lose and it seems so difficult even losing half pound.

In the office often people judge my diet, my weight, my approach to food. They don't understand how frustrating is being on diet, being overweight, being obsessed with food. I am alone in this battle; it's between me and my body, my brain, my cravings. 

My Weight and HCG Diet Journey's updates

I'm back to my blog to give some updates regarding my HCG experience and my weight in general.

After the end of my Round #1 for P2 I had no problems to complete my P3 phase and maintaining my weight within the 2 pounds range, actually most of the time my weight was under my LIW; so P4 started and I have to admit I didn't start any type of exercise, lazy me, but in my defense I can say that I was working 7 days a week on an average sleep of 4 hours – so really time for the gym was not fitting my schedule.

My P4 was not bad; I maintained my weight fairly easy, some days better than others and I had 2/3 fasting weekends to keep me in track in case my weight was rising up.

Then my Mexican vacation came, one week in an all-inclusive resort, a paradise with amazing food…and obviously I let myself enjoy all those cakes and chocolate delights. I ate like I didn't eat anything for the past 6 months! Breakfast, lunch and dinner always overeating, not to mention all the cookies and nuts ate here and there. Well I guess the Binge Eater that is in me came back in Mexico and I'm afraid to report that my weight of course went up quickly. Well thankfully it was only a week but I learnt a lesson: AVOID all-inclusive resorts; temptations are way too many to handle for me.

My weight went up from 57/58Kg that I was when I went to Cancun, up to 62/63Kg when I came back to Toronto – about 10 pounds I would say.

Although lots of people might think that 10lb is not a big deal, it's something like 10% of my weight so for me it's a huge deal, plus a week may be enough to gain 10lb but I would need at least a month worth of sacrifices to lose it!

Anyhow, I'm now back on HCG for my second round – today is my R2P2 – VLCD #10, so far I lost 2/3 Kg, not much. This round is different from the previous one, I'm not motivated in the same way, I have lots of cravings, I'm always thinking about food, I don't feel the same mood response I had with my first round, so definitely tougher than I expected. But I will keep going and I will till I reach my goal, I just wish I had a different feelings during this Round #2, since it might be longer than the previous one. Wish me luck!