2019 Fast 4.0 - Dry Fast Day #4

83 hours into the Dry Fast 
My sleep is already being affected by the Dry Fast, last night I couldn't sleep much; I woke up at 1:30 AM and that was it. I hate when I cannot sleep at night. My mouth is becoming very dry, I don't like it. I thought it will happen around Day 6/7, not now. I have a bit of lower back pain today, and my neck issues are still not gone. I'm thinking I should call the physiotherapist to see what's going on with my neck; I was hoping it will resolve by itself, but it didn't.
This evening I have to work at the banquet hall for a wedding reception, I'm actually glad I will move a bit and consume some ketones & calories in the process. Sitting always in this chair is so detrimental for my health.
Honestly, I can't wait for my parents to leave my apartment. Not that I don't want them with me, but I'm conditioning my life. I don't have weekends for myself to just stay in bed all day, or do nothing. My condo is so messy, I can't find anything in my closets, things are all over the places and I cannot stand looking at those suit-cases on the floor anymore. I'm missing the gym since they came, I kind of put on-hold my life for them. I feel I cannot focus clearly on my weight loss goals, on my food choices. My fridge is full of food that otherwise I would never buy for myself.
I'm leaving with them on April the 8th, I didn't want to go but felt forced to do it. I would rather go to Cuba for a week than there, and spend definitely less money. Oh well, I'm almost done with this so I should try to stay positive and look forward to the end of April for my personal goals...and the freedom of my own apartment!

How food addiction jeopardizes my Water Fast

A lot of people that struggle with extra weight (me included) very often don't eat for hunger but rather for emotional reasons. Sometimes those reasons are unknown to ourselves altogether and we just eat because food is joy, it's a reward that we deeply need, makes feel us better, loved. But food it's at the same time culprit of our troubles. It's a vicious circle that we can never get off from, there's no brain switch that would say: that's it. I had enough of you; I want to have willpower on my food intake. Unfortunately, this is a lost war that only good prolonged, extremely prolonged habits can win.

Food is my enemy and my love; I can't control my feelings when dealing with it. Yesterday I had a real pure Binge Eating episode, planned and executed perfectly. I did not have this type of episode since a while now; yes I was often overeating but never planning my binges, at least not in the past few months.

I'm thinking that the reason could be due to the refined sugar and carbs I had in the past 2/3 weeks. I had non-raw-vegan food in few occasions, including m&m's at the movie theatre and English muffins from McDonald's once I felt already screwing up everything I had achieved in the past months. Shame on me!

In these days I'm trying and trying to start a new Water Fast, and oh man how difficult is, I never had so many problems starting a Fast; sure the first 3/4 days are tough but I always came around to do it somehow. This time seems everything so hard and my belly now looks like an 8-months pregnancy! I have that moment where I hate my body.

Temptations are always around, the desire of food is always there, I'm hungry and frustrated, I have anxiety, I sleep very badly at night and nothing fits me properly now. I look so ugly and old in the mirror.

One thing that often influences me negatively with my fast is meeting people; in particular my boyfriend….that is always hungry! When he asks me to go eat something I feel bad to say no, that I'm fasting, because I know he likes to eat a lot and me too anyway, so I give up on my discipline and eat with him, happily.

But today I feel more motivated, the pictures I took of my huge belly yesterday are a great motivation; the way my face looks with all this extra fat is convincing me on stick on my fast. I also saw my ex for a coffee yesterday evening and he did not believe the fact that I did a 24 day Water Fast and he acknowledged my fat and extra weight, I know he is a jerk, he's always been like that….he likes skinny women and I'm not here to judge him, but – believe it or not – this offensive look and comment kind of helped me to find a good motivation to stick to my Fast today.

One thing I'm worried about though, this afternoon I'm going to see my parents and spend 2 days with them; I really hope they won't make me eat the usual junk food or forcing me to eat something and break again the fast. I really need to pass these first few days; once I'm in ketosis things will be easier. Also my boyfriend is already thinking on celebrating my new job in the coming week, going out in a restaurant of my choice and to have some fun together. I hope he'll understand that I finally started my Water Fast and we just need to postpone the dinner of few days; it should not be a big deal.