A lot of people that struggle with extra weight (me
included) very often don't eat
for hunger but rather for emotional
reasons. Sometimes those reasons are unknown to ourselves altogether and we
just eat because food is joy, it's a
reward that we deeply need, makes feel us better, loved. But food it's at the same time culprit of
our troubles. It's a vicious circle that we can never get
off from, there's no brain switch that would say: that's it. I had enough of you; I want to have willpower on my food intake. Unfortunately, this is a lost
war that only good prolonged, extremely prolonged habits can win.
Food is my enemy and my love; I can't control my
feelings when dealing with it. Yesterday I had a real pure Binge Eating episode, planned and
executed perfectly. I did not have
this type of episode since a while now; yes I was often overeating but never planning my binges, at least not in the past few months.
I'm thinking that the reason could be due to the refined sugar and carbs I had in the past 2/3
weeks. I had non-raw-vegan food in
few occasions, including m&m's at
the movie theatre and English muffins from McDonald's
once I felt already screwing up
everything I had achieved in the past months. Shame on me!
In these days I'm trying and trying to start a new Water Fast, and oh man how difficult
is, I never had so many problems starting a Fast; sure the first 3/4 days
are tough but I always came around to do it somehow.
This time seems everything so hard
and my belly now looks like an 8-months
pregnancy! I have that moment where I
hate my body.
Temptations are always around, the desire of food is always there, I'm hungry and frustrated,
I have anxiety, I sleep very badly
at night and nothing fits me
properly now. I look so ugly and old
in the mirror.
One thing that often influences me negatively with my fast is meeting people; in particular
my boyfriend….that is always hungry!
When he asks me to go eat something I
feel bad to say no, that I'm
fasting, because I know he likes to eat a lot and me too anyway, so I give up
on my discipline and eat with him, happily.
But today I feel more motivated,
the pictures I took of my huge belly yesterday are a great motivation; the way my face looks with all this extra fat is
convincing me on stick on my fast. I also saw my ex for a coffee yesterday evening and he did not
believe the fact that I did a 24 day Water
Fast and he acknowledged my fat
and extra weight, I know he is a jerk, he's always been like that….he
likes skinny women and I'm not here to judge him, but – believe it or not – this offensive look and comment kind of helped me to find a good motivation to stick to my Fast today.
One thing I'm worried
about though, this afternoon I'm going to see my parents and spend 2 days with them; I really hope they
won't make me eat the usual junk food
or forcing me to eat something and
break again the fast. I really need
to pass these first few days; once
I'm in ketosis things will be
easier. Also my boyfriend is already thinking on celebrating my new job in the coming week, going out in a
restaurant of my choice and to have some
fun together. I hope he'll understand that I finally started my Water
Fast and we just need to postpone the dinner of few days; it should not be a big deal.
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