Monday 3 April 2017

Trying to Fast again with no success

So I'm back again here struggling on starting a new prolonged Water Fast, ideally I would like to do a 14-Day Water Fast. The reason I am aiming to this number is because I think I will need at least 2 weeks to lose all the fat I gained back after my last fast done before my trip to Italy.
I gained all back, I'm not over 60 Kg yet but I can see from my body that whatever I have on is just fat, since I'm not going to the gym in a while I have no muscles anymore. I went for a run 3/4 times in the morning, when I was in Italy, but just for 20/30 minutes….better than nothing sure but not enough to build muscles. I might need to go back on my gym regiment or these Fasts are going to break down all my left over shapes!
I gained my pounds back because of the amount of stress I'm getting at work; seriously this job is killing me inside and out. I'm desperately trying to change but it's not easy to find a good job. Before leaving for my vacation I was very motivated, I had found a great company that asked me to come multiple times for interviews, giving me great feedbacks. This gave me great motivation also to keep on going with my Water Fast, until the last few days before my trip, when they decided not to pursue my candidature for the role, that was very disappointing since I kind of pictured myself already leaving this hell where I'm in every day!
This is the first time in my life where I don't want to wake up in the morning knowing that I have to come to work. I think nobody should ever feel in this way for a job….this is not a happy place. The way I feel every day is affecting my behaviour towards my entire life, my relationship with food and also my relationship with others. I feel depressed, very often I would like just to go home and cry. I don't have anyone I can talk to and that understands my situation. I told everything to a couple of friends but I realized that after talking few times they are tired to listen to my complaints; which is totally understandable, I've been dealing with these struggles since 6 months now, anyone would get bored to listen to me, myself included…!
In the mornings I have strong anxiety, the Water Fast usually helps me a lot with my anxiety, but it takes at least 5/7 Days to really start to feel the benefits of the Fast, and the first days are normally the toughest one. I started last Thursday fasting then after 3 days of being diligent I gave up on some food at a local pizzeria with my boyfriend. I was definitely hungry but being in company and going out didn't help my discipline.
It takes so little to gain weight back, I spent yesterday eating and today I had a huge lunch, although skipped breakfast and planning on starting a real Fast. I want to be successful this time, I know the level of stress is high but eating and gaining weight makes me only more miserable and it gets my mind so foggy. Being on a lower weight helps a lot my mood, my self-esteem, my anxiety, I can control my food better because I'm more motivated, even my gym routine improves.

I want to try to start an IF regiment once I get to the desired weight, I'm thinking that even just 56Kg as a start would be perfect, and then anything less can be achieved with IF or the gym. But first I need to get rid of this fat I have accumulated to my belly. I'm wondering if even the stress can be a reason why I'm often bloated…I don't know. I just hope to find the strengths on keep on going with my Water Fast. Wish me luck!

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