Confession of a Food addicted

As I was mentioning in one of my previous posts, when dieting some days are better than others. Some mornings I see big losses and I get motivated, some others my cravings are killing me so much that I would rather be fat for the rest of my life and indulge in all the chocolates and cookies I want. But I must to say I do crave not only sweets but food in general. I would love to have a huge bowl of broccoli in Alfredo sauce, or just steamed broccoli and lemon, I'd love a lettuce salad with some roasted chicken breast. Anything that I like, in terms of food, would be good when my cravings strike up so strongly. I guess someone can say that this is a Binge Eater talking; food is my weakness, something rather scaring when dealing with diets basically whole my life. Sometimes I feel like to eat all I want like there's no tomorrow, some days I look at myself in the mirror and I can see the progress I made, I don't want to go back on being overweight and being stressed with another strict diet again. Maybe now is time for me to go back to the gym, since my maintenance is completed (in terms of P3 but I'm now in P4), I should think about on doing some exercises, not to consume any calories, I never believed in those silly equations of Calories consumption vs Calories burned; the gym would help - if anything - to stay away from the fridge!

I didn't have my period this month, so unless the angel Gabriel will come on the 25^th for another annunciation….I should assume my strict Calories consumption put me in starvation mode in the past weeks, considering on how I'm eating in these days, my TOM should come back regular very soon.

I'm not sure what is causing my cravings, I want to eat all the times, even if I'm not hungry, I feel thinking only about which nice and healthy recipe I can prepare, I'm scared for this binging thoughts. These days have been tough on me; my weight is going to be up for sure tomorrow, way too many boiled eggs and proteins. I'm giving away my cat tomorrow, and although he will be much happier with them I'm sure, I feel a terrible person, incapable to commit in anything that could alter my deeply insane habits. My aversion against mess and dirt is so strong that I'm sure could be classified as a pathology for some psychotherapist! My work is getting busier and busier; the past weekend was the first one free since January. I'm still single looking for the non-existent perfect man that will commit to a woman incapable of commitments.

Crazy me, some people say that there could be an emotional reason why we eat or why we crave certain type of food. For me I think is true the vice versa, I believe there's a specific binge episode for any emotional irrational reaction that I've every day. The way I deal with food and the scale changes completely my mood in seconds…or is the opposite?!