I failed again!

I might sound like a broken clock by now but, here I am again, telling about another failure of post-fast maintenance.
In defense of what happened though I can say that, every fast experience, teaches me something about my body and how things work for me and my weight management.
What I realized is that after a prolonged fast my body goes into a famine-mode for about 3 weeks, after that food does not have the same appeal as the first three weeks. I guess it’s just a normal reaction after so many days abstaining from food. Makes sense though.
In 30 days of combined Dry and Water Fast I did not lose much, in terms of weight, but I was definitely feeling better than when I started. Chances were that when October started my mind just got hit with the fact that my parents were leaving the country to go back to Italy, leaving me here alone again. I didn’t handle the reality very well, I must admit; so I recall spending 3 days in bed crying and eating junk food. They say food is comfort but I wasn’t feeling better though….quite the opposite; my shrunk stomach was hurting me so much when I was eating those huge meals, and the excessive amount of sugar. In any case I kept on eating, and crying, and eating, till my stomach was not shrunk anymore and started to dilating… disproportionately!
To add more reasons to me giving up on controlling the amount of food eating, was an awful experience I went through during a long-weekend trip with a….ex-friend. Well we went out of town and let’s just say I came back home taking a coach-bus, what a jerk – you never know people till you travel together; that’s why I love solo-vacation! Anyhow, the whole situation really impacted my feelings, I felt hurt by his rude manners and words, and although he was clearly a moron, I could not deny myself of more food-comfort to relief some of the stress caused by this negative experience. And my weight and inches skyrocketed!
These past couple of months were not great for me, lots of stress combined with my ex breaking up with me, my parents moving out, their trip, long weekend nightmares, boring working days, lack of money, loneliness; well this combined to my famine-state after Fast made me gain back and more whatever I lost during the 30 days of my combined Dry/Water Fast.
What can I do? I tried to do a self-analysis of what happened, but does it really matter? Will I learn from my mistakes and don’t do it again? Most probably not….so I gave up on this too.
I do have the intention on starting soon a new Combined Dry / Water Fast, I’m aiming for tomorrow, which is November 1^st, 2017 – I got some chocolates today since is Halloween.
I have to say that lately I’m not craving food much as my usual, I think the past 30-Day Water Fast was great in terms of healing. The first 3 weeks after breaking a Fast are very critical, the body really craves for food like crazy, so imposing an extremely rigid maintenance protocol is crucial in those days, after 3 weeks or so, things get better….well at least this is what I experienced.
One thing I’m looking forward from the Fast is, not only my general well-being and the weight loss, but the reduced amount of sleep hours needed. I know that it was a concern for me initially, but now I’m enjoying watching TV in bed and working on my loom, so I usually fall asleep at midnight and in the morning I have hard time to wake up; I know it does sound as a contradiction but it is not!
Keeping a journal while fasting is very important, either on an online blog, YouTube videos, on paper, whatever works for you is ok, but those words will help you in the future; share your motivations, your feelings, how you reached your goal, how you felt when the Ketosis was fading away all the food cravings, leaving only the so desired mental clarity; all those words would help you in the future if you ever need it again. They did for me.

A Water Fast to reveal my reasons to binge

Here another great discovery thanking my Water Fast that gives me the chance to use my brain and have a great mental clarity about my life, my reasons of binging: I realized that my life is lonely, I'm happy overall because I got accustomed to this lifestyle, but it's lonely. Being alone every day home is bringing me to look for distractions, cooking is one of these. I love to cook and I feel I have to eat what I'm cooking, I have the obsession of not wasting any food so I cook more and I eat more, of course I eat even food that has no chance of being wasted and I do buy things that I really don't need.

Cooking and eating is my night-out, my happy date, my fulfilling relationship, my get-together with friends, my hobbies altogether. It's everything fake of course, but my mind needs it and that's why I will still continue to binge, till all those fake feelings will be replaced by real life events.