Confession of a Food addicted

As I was mentioning in one of my previous posts, when dieting some days are better than others. Some mornings I see big losses and I get motivated, some others my cravings are killing me so much that I would rather be fat for the rest of my life and indulge in all the chocolates and cookies I want. But I must to say I do crave not only sweets but food in general. I would love to have a huge bowl of broccoli in Alfredo sauce, or just steamed broccoli and lemon, I'd love a lettuce salad with some roasted chicken breast. Anything that I like, in terms of food, would be good when my cravings strike up so strongly. I guess someone can say that this is a Binge Eater talking; food is my weakness, something rather scaring when dealing with diets basically whole my life. Sometimes I feel like to eat all I want like there's no tomorrow, some days I look at myself in the mirror and I can see the progress I made, I don't want to go back on being overweight and being stressed with another strict diet again. Maybe now is time for me to go back to the gym, since my maintenance is completed (in terms of P3 but I'm now in P4), I should think about on doing some exercises, not to consume any calories, I never believed in those silly equations of Calories consumption vs Calories burned; the gym would help - if anything - to stay away from the fridge!

I didn't have my period this month, so unless the angel Gabriel will come on the 25^th for another annunciation….I should assume my strict Calories consumption put me in starvation mode in the past weeks, considering on how I'm eating in these days, my TOM should come back regular very soon.

I'm not sure what is causing my cravings, I want to eat all the times, even if I'm not hungry, I feel thinking only about which nice and healthy recipe I can prepare, I'm scared for this binging thoughts. These days have been tough on me; my weight is going to be up for sure tomorrow, way too many boiled eggs and proteins. I'm giving away my cat tomorrow, and although he will be much happier with them I'm sure, I feel a terrible person, incapable to commit in anything that could alter my deeply insane habits. My aversion against mess and dirt is so strong that I'm sure could be classified as a pathology for some psychotherapist! My work is getting busier and busier; the past weekend was the first one free since January. I'm still single looking for the non-existent perfect man that will commit to a woman incapable of commitments.

Crazy me, some people say that there could be an emotional reason why we eat or why we crave certain type of food. For me I think is true the vice versa, I believe there's a specific binge episode for any emotional irrational reaction that I've every day. The way I deal with food and the scale changes completely my mood in seconds…or is the opposite?!

HCG Diet and Chocolate Delight

One of the HCG recipes that is very popular in the HCG community is the Chocolate Delight, a mix of Coconut oil and unsweetened cocoa powder (the Hershey one is the most popular but I used camino organic one) with some Stevia and a drop of Vanilla extract - added by personal choice and taste. I tried this recipe, adding xylitol and a bit of almond milk. I must to say: I deeply hate coconut so I'm already the worst candidate to really judge this recipe; but I gave it a try, thinking that at the end maybe my chocolate addiction will help me overcome the disgusting taste of coconut. Well it didn't happen, believe it or not I actually binged on it yesterday and this morning (terrifying results) and now I'm in pain with my stomach with a strong nausea that make me desire to throw up anything I had in the past 5 days! Never ever anymore chocolate delight for me…way too much coconut oil, it's absolutely the worst chocolate dessert I ever tried in my entire life. If anything the coconut oil should be added with caution, like ¼ of a cup for a cup of unsweetened cocoa powder, the recipe instead lists the opposite! People are concerning with the bitterness of the cocoa, well in case Carob powder might be used as substitution, maybe more stevia too? Plus I believe there's no such thing of bitterness when having chocolate.

What did I learn from this unsuccessful recipe is that I cannot have desserts in any form, I'm addicted to sugar, to chocolate…I went too cocky on this recipe and I paid for my lack of caution when dealing with my food addictions, I have a bad sweet disgusting taste in my mouth now, I won't enjoy eating nothing for at least a couple of days, so much this chocolate delight make me nausea.

Indulging in desserts, in chocolate brings me to binge fairly easily, I'm scared when I do it, because not being under control of my own actions is – for me – terrifying, I can throw away months of sacrifices dieting in not time when binging. Plus the psychological aspect of a Binge Eating Disorder is draining.

Today I won't eat much since I'm still disgusted for my binge episode of this morning, it is a good thing though, I guess the only good thing so far. This morning I was 57Kg, which puts me a bit more over my LIW, I need to be alarmed when this happen because I had a great weight on Saturday morning and it seems that I gained 4 pounds in just a weekend! That cannot happen! 

HCG Diet - End of P3

Today technically ends my Phase 3 of HCG Protocol Maintenance. I can say that I've successfully maintained my weight within the 2lb range, very easily I've to say and most of the days, in the previous 3 weeks, I was slightly under my LIW – which is 56.6 Kg. Of course some days are better than others and I do not believe 3 weeks are actually enough to stabilize any weight, for me at least, I might need something like 6 months. Once you eliminate fat, the empty fat cells are still in your body, to let them die and get rid of from your body, you need at least few months, I estimated 6 months but I might be wrong. So weight swing control is always fundamental when dieting, especially after a big weight loss.