A bad day during Maintenance

Today is a bad day for me and my weight; I'm eating as I didn't have food from the past 2 weeks! I had a normal breakfast this morning, actually way more than the recommended amount. I had 500g of boiled broccoli with 1/3 cup of shredded non-fat cheese on it. The broccoli felt like nothing in my stomach, I had to eat something else later on because starving, so I went downstairs and I bought a Spinach & Feta Croissant, it was delicious! Knowing I had 500g of broccoli only for a meal made me think that my whole allowed amount for a day – during the strict diet – was only 460g of vegetables, barely nothing.

I brought my lunch in the office today, thinking that I should better save some money and prepare my own healthy food so I cooked a zucchini omelet yesterday and I had it with half whole wheat tortilla. Although I had the omelet, I felt still hungry after; water did not help, herbal teas did not help, decaf coffee did not help…not even the 2 Jell-Os helped! So I went again downstairs to buy another croissant and a pecan tart, my favourite. Needless to say that I don't feel right today, I usually cheat on my healthy diet with a protein bar or simply with bigger portions of my allowed food - but not recently, I'm off in motivation, I miss my ex-boyfriend, I'm looking at the holidays and at the snow storm outside and I feel sad. Food is my only comfort at the moment. Most likely I'll spend Christmas days by myself, as well as New Year's Day so I'm not in a general great mood lately.

I say: everything is an excuse though; I should be more focused in any case. I already attuned myself that first thing I want to do in January is going back to the strict Diet, it's expensive true but for me it was worth it, I was always starving, always weak but the scale was always rewarding, almost every morning! I want to learn again how to manage my weight before I gain everything back and I'm overweight at the point where I started.

Some days I really don't care about my extra pounds, some days I'm depressed for it. I think dieting is a very psychological stressing thing to do. You're against yourself, by yourself. Motivation has to come only from within or you won't stick to it. Most probably part of my motivation in the past months was my ex-boyfriend. Now he is not in my life anymore and I'm missing the boost portion that he was giving me every day struggling with my starvation. My period missing is oddly not alarming me much, it should though, and it's been almost 3 months now that I didn't have it. I should see a doctor and I'm not doing anything for it. With Christmas approaching the idea of say no to sweets is killing me so I won't pretend to myself that I'm that strong and I'll just try to resist as much as I can to the…extra not allowed!